jakemalik:

taylorthebloody:

ppitte:

It has come to my attention that a lot of people haven’t played this game so pay attention:

Grab a friend and tie your hands as the following picture shows

image

Now try getting yourselves free well maybe not free but apart from each other, so that the ropes aren’t tangled together, without opening the knots or otherwise removing the rope from around your wrists. It is possible.

im sorry friend but your arm must go

image

(via wanacchi)


tylerchokely:

queercumqueen:

you can feel the regret in this picture

you can almost taste it

tylerchokely:

queercumqueen:

you can feel the regret in this picture

you can almost taste it

(via amandapandajoy)


Marry someone you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

My mum (via everybodysgotadarkside97)

(via lkoujaku)


clannyphantom:

what if ssomeone tried to mug me and all they got from my pocket was thisimage

I would mug you for a bunny

(via rainy-raindrops)


songofages:

milgramexperiment:

tall people: if we are walking together please take into consideration my tiny legs. i cant keep up with you. please think of my tiny legs i dont want to be jogging to keep up with your leisurely stroll you TITANS

tiny legs, tiny feet, please wait.
thank.

(via rivirambles)


Real Conversations with my kid: Video Games

My Kid: I love him, I just love him!
Friend: That's creepy. You can't love a video game man.
My Kid: Yes you can. It's love.....video game love.
I think the otome fandom will be receiving a new member soon.

cheeseyturtlelove:

The sound I made was inhuman.

cheeseyturtlelove:

The sound I made was inhuman.

(via cgleome)


Gintama Text Post Meme [Edited Version 2]

(via poeticharmonie)


Just a couple of like minded Bros sharing a coke.

Just a couple of like minded Bros sharing a coke.


ofgeography:

so here’s a fun story about this movie. guess who loves this movie? me! i do! i love this movie. i love this movie so much that when i was in the 7th grade and i saw “first wives club 2” on pay per view i was like: HELL YEAH!! FIRST WIVES CLUB TWO!! NO ONE TOLD ME THERE WAS A SEQUEL!!!

here’s the synopsis for first wives club 2:

disgruntled first wives take their ex-husbands’ new lovers under their wing.

sounds great, right? awesome viewing material for a precocious 11-year-old.

so i buy this movie, and like, three minutes into it i’m starting to feel suspicious?? like it’s really low quality and my girls are nowhere in sight?? how come none of the first wives are the same?? how come they’re alone in a bedroom with mood lighting?? why is she taking off her shirt?? why are they both taking off their shirts?? WHY ARE THEY—

here’s what i did not know about first wives club 2:

  • it is a lesbian porno of no relation to the beloved 1996 classic.

so of course i, horrified that i’ve accidentally bought porn on my family’s account (and in that state of panic that kids work themselves into whenever anything regarding sex is mentioned), quickly shut off the TV and go upstairs and watch an episode of veggie tales to like, cleanse my soul and apologize to jesus, and that’s that.

EXCEPT, OF COURSE:

  • you have to pay for pay per view.

so the end of the month comes and i have completely put this incident out of my mind, haha, i accidentally bought porn, how funny, TELL NO ONE. right? and i’m sitting at a nice dinner with my mother, my stepfather, and my very religious aunt deb, and we’re just talking about farm things, whatever, when suddenly my mother puts her fork down and says, “okay, there’s something we need to discuss. as a family.”

  • AS A FAMILY.

and i’m like, running through a list of people i know who could conceivably be dead, and fantasizing about my mother announcing that she’s going to buy me My Own Computer Just Because U Earned It Kiddo, and she pulls out a piece of paper that says DIRECTV across the top. and i’m like: OH NO.

"i received the tv bill today," my mother said, and i was like, shoveling potatoes into my mouth as fast as i could because i knew that when i went to PORN PRISON they weren’t going to feed me this kind of quality starch. "does anybody want to tell me who purchased the pornography?"

as a reminder, a quick table survey:

  • my mother, surprised and disappointed by the porn bill (innocent)
  • my stepfather, a grumbly old cowboy who just wants to sing along to kenny chesney and watch the hunt for red october (innocent)
  • my aunt deb, a super religious catholic whose best friend is a nun named Sister Placid (innocent)
  • me, the 11-year-old with a mouthful of potatoes who definitely purchased the lesbian pornography

silence.

my mother said, “i’m not going to ask again.”

silence.

my aunt looked at my stepdad. my stepdad looked at my aunt. NOBODY LOOKED AT ME, THE 11-YEAR-OLD WITH A MOUTHFUL OF POTATOES WHO DEFINITELY PURCHASED THE LESBIAN PORNOGRAPHY.

my mother shook her head and put the bill down. “this was incredibly inappropriate,” she said. “skip, deb, whoever. buy that shit on your own time. i’m not paying for it. what if molly had seen it?”

  • WHAT IF MOLLY HAD SEEN IT?

"don’t expose my kid to that crap."

  • DON’T
  • EXPOSE
  • MY KID
  • TO THAT CRAP

"if you want to watch porn, fine, but do it in private and don’t expect me to pay for it. i can’t believe one of you did that in the living room."

  • I CAN’T BELIEVE ONE OF YOU DID THAT
  • IN THE LIVING ROOM

but molly, why didn’t you own up to it and explain that it was an accident?

  • are you fucking kidding
  • i did not want to go to porn prison

the fun conclusion to this story is that i never owned up to it, which means that there are 3 people in the world who have not solved the mystery of the lesbian porn. a quick survey:

  • my mother, who lives every day wondering whose porn she paid for
  • my stepfather, who probably wishes he knew less about his wife’s sister’s porn preferences
  • my aunt, who probably wishes she knew less about her sister’s husband’s porn preferences

but molly, why don’t you own up to it now, with the safety of time and distance and the knowledge that porn prison isn’t real?

  • are you fucking kidding
  • this is the best thing i’ve ever done

(via luckycat63)


(via luckycat63)


shingeki-n0-homo:

when you dont respond to a guys text and he has the nerve to send 100 more

image

when u block someone and they text ya whole family

image

when a guy get so thirsty he start telling you his whole schedule 

image

including all the shit he eats

image

LOL!

 

zealotarchaeologist:

i stepped on the scale today and it said “bat”

it took me a few seconds to realize it meant the battery was out, but before i realized that i just said “i am not a bat” out loud

(via lkoujaku)


bigbardafree:

foreveralone-lyguy:

I walked into the kitchen at 5:30am and saw this in the sink… this isn’t my cat

image

#the cats just like ”this isnt my sink”

(via darkangel531)


Sometimes being a parent is way too much fun

I literally just got my child, who hasn’t been wanting to read, to read.

                                                 Willingly.

How in the hell did I do that you ask? Well, I’ll tell you, you sassy little bastard. I promised she could watch an episode of Sailor Moon if she read a chapter of Sailor Moon. She just read the first chapter so she could watch the first episode. She is so excited that she wants to read several chapters tomorrow so she can have a mini marathon when she is done.

image

                                             I’m a fucking genius.